Start here (Chronological Order)

I apologize for making the choice of an online journal for this project. I thought that if I created a blog, it would feel more personal, and I would be able to conjure more feeling and thought for this project than I would have while staring at a blank piece of paper or an empty word document.

I changed the dates. Each post is in order, from oldest to newest.

See? Feel? Hear? Know?

See, feel, hear, know.

Mr. G asked us to apply these things to three paintings. Surely these are first hand natures, but in truth I couldn't bring myself to do any of them. They were just random photos. You know what really got to me? It was the silence. Because as everyone was writing their emotions away, I was sitting there staring at my pencil, panicking because I felt like I didn't know how to express myself.

English intimidates me. It is not the course's content I'm afraid and unsure of, but my capabilities. Literature has no limits, but I was feeling weak. There is no trust between myself and the mighty pen. It's depressing. I don't have a vast vocabulary, nor do I have impeccable grammar or creativity that wows a crowd... I depend on my endless stream of thoughts. Sometimes it's handy, other times it's overwhelming. And then, at that moment, when I needed a bombardment of feelings and ideas, none came to me. None. Zero. Nil. None... That is, not until we looked at The Hollow Men.

The Hollow Men by TS Eliot. How intriguing. The title, the name of the author. It excited me because at once I knew this poem had some kind of dark aura to it. I was excited because I've come to conclusion that it's the darkest of artistic mediums that are the most interesting; they attract more question, theory, and mystery. How could one resist? The first reading of this poem, I have to admit, was empty. Empty in a way that I was not absorbing the poem as I read, and empty in a way that scared me. I could feel the goosebumps on my arms; this happens when I witness (by witness I mean read, hear, see) something that bewitches me. See, the poem was meaningless, yet its words engulfed me, suffocating me with the same question: why? Why are we reading this? Why did TS Eliot write this? Why, why, why? I wanted reason, and I wanted to know what the hell this all meant. The fact that I was already stressing over the meaning had lead me to think that this poem would torture me to no ends. The rest of the class was probably just as frustrated as I was because I noticed the way *blank* scratched his head as he read, and how *blank* rushed to finished and sighed at the very last word. The Hollow Men left my head "filled with straw". Empty, yet full. You know, like a needle in a haystack. I was desperate to find the answer, like it would do some good for my crappy day. A sort of redemption. If I knew the answer that no one else knew, maybe it would make up for all the answers I didn't. At least for today, you know? But empty-handed was what came of this class. Hollow. Empty. Those are the same things right? Is that the meaning of 'hollow' that Eliot was referring to? Empty?

Today, there were no answers; just too many questions. Maybe tomorrow I could make sense of something.









And no, I'm not referring to anything in particular.

What comes first? Thoughts or feelings?

A journal project? I don't know how to feel about this. Recently I've told myself that honesty will be the key step to maturity. At this point, I am having a hard time holding myself back from telling a lie, and so a journal project will be quite interesting...

I am a Molina. Does that mean anything? Is that relevant to this project? Heck yes. Molinas are absolutely psychotic. Well probably not, because psychos don't really know that they're psycho.

It is 5:54 AM, Sunday morning, and here I am with The Hollow Men in hand. I have work in about 6 hours and I am running on four cups of coffee. Where is my mind? So whether I am warning any readers to brace themselves for something mental, confusing, insightful, boring, obvious, or just down right disturbing, I have no idea. I do not know why I think the way I do. I just do. This assignment will get personal. Should you be so scared and apprehensive or should you be excited and entertained? Once again, I do not know.

But what I do know is that I have a nasty habit of word vomit. You have been warned.

Hollow hollow hollow stuffed stuffed stuffed English AP is so tough

I am exhausted. I should stop working so much and focussing on extracurricular activities. The stress is literally eating me alive, but I know I need to stay strong. Bills don't pay themselves and stress doesn't relieve itself, right?

I can't stop thinking about The Hollow Men. No matter how many times I've read it, the meaning is still a blur to me, and I don't think it's because I'm a complete failure in the field of poem analysis. I'm finding a hard time coming to conclusions because my thoughts endlessly contradict eachother. I can't entirely blame myself for that though, because the first section is all about the contradictions. "We are the hollow men, we are the stuffed men." Great. "Shape without form, shade without colour, / Paralysed force, gesture without motion." Awesome, that's fantastic. Now what the hell does that even mean, Eliot? I love the device of paradox, but currently it's not my cup of tea. I've also noticed TS Eliot's combination of "soft" and "harsh" words. "We whisper together / Are quiet and meaningless / As wind in dry grass / Or rats' feet over broken glass / In our dry cellar". What's the purpose of all these oppositions that make everything so confusing? What's the purpose? Is the confusion Eliot's way of telling me that, perhaps, I'm not the only one whose confused? Are the men, hollow and stuffed, in the same boat as I am?

My brain hurts.

Just a few questions before I'm able to get some Zzz...

Are all of these sections still in the perspective of the Hollow and Stuffed Men?

First section:
First of all, who's Mistah Kurtz? Why are these men Hollow or stuffed? Are they referring to two different groups, or are they the same group altogether? What is Eliot's purpose of all these opposing words?

Second section:
What are these kingdoms? What is this star? Why does Eliot once again mention the wind?

The third section:
What happened to death's dream kingdom? Why are the speakers now taken to the dead land, the cactus land? Again, what is death's other kingdom? These lines that capture most of my attention, "Waking alone / At the hour when we are / Trembling with tenderness / Lips that would kiss / Form prayers to broken stone.", what do they mean?

Fourth section:
The speakers are now taken to the valley of dying stars. Why? What has happened that caused them to move? Why are the kingdoms now lost? Now there's a twilight kingdom? Is that heaven or is heaven the dream kingdom? Why does Eliot now refer to the men as empty? What has happened to cause this transition?

Fifth section:
Why does the opening of this section appear so familiar and start in italics? A shadow is mentioned that falls in between multiple things. What is the shadow? Why is there this shadow? For thine is the... what? Why does the world end this way? What is "this way"? Why is this section also in italics?

I'd like to say good night to the hollow and stuffed men, but I know I'll be seeing them more in my dreams (kingdom).

Nursery rhymes and murdering times

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning 

I feel that I cannot succinctly express myself unless it's well into the night... Or morning.

It's frightening how easily something so "innocent" can hold so many dark, twisted secrets. It's frightening how one could take something so innocent and corrupt it with ease. TS Eliot takes lines from the nursery rhyme Here we go round the Mulberry Bush and turns it into his own dark rendition to fit his disillusioned poem The Hollow Men. It starts and ends the third section of his poem. Here are the first few verses of the original nursery rhyme.

Here we go 'round the mulberry bush,
The mulberry bush, the mulberry bush.
Here we go 'round the mulberry bush,
So early in the morning.

This is the way we wash our clothes,
We wash our clothes, we wash our clothes.
This is the way we wash our clothes,
So early Monday morning.

This is the way we iron our clothes,
We iron our clothes, we iron our clothes.
This is the way we iron our clothes,
So early Tuesday morning.

Notice how the following verses each contain repetitive instructions, beginning with "This is the way...". Sound familiar? Now recall the last stanza of The Hollow Men:

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

I think Eliot's transformation of an innocent nursery rhyme into a morbid chant suggests how easy it is to corrupt something that is meant to be pure.

I've come to realize that many of my favourite childhood fables and nursery rhymes are actually downright disturbing. Take King Midas, or Rock a Bye Baby, for example. King Midas is about a greedy king who loves gold to such an extent that he is granted with the "power" to turn everything he touches into gold. Guess what turns to gold? His daughter. Regardless of the regret that followed, it is disturbing how one's greed leads to such grand mistakes. Rock a Bye Baby is a lullaby about a baby in a cradle that falls from the top of a tree. What a comforting melody to fall asleep to, isn't it?

So what I can extract from The Hollow Men, so far, is an innocence that is corrupted. 

More to come.

Here we go round English AP
At 5 o'clock in the morning

Kingdoms

Theory number 1:

This poem is religious. 

The kingdom talk. The different kingdoms... Is Eliot referring to Heaven, Purgatory, and/or Hell? 

"For Thine is the Kingdom" --- why is this so familiar?

More to come later tonight.



*5:51 AM*
I've come to a decision that I'm going to continue taking a religious approach to this poem. It can't be pure coincidence that an elaborated talk of stars and kingdoms appear in the same poem. I remember in Catechism, one of the very first things we learned about was the birth of Christ. (Well, duh.) Do you know the the story about the Three Wise Men? I've learned that on the night of Jesus Christ's birth, three men followed the star of Bethlehem to the stable Jesus was born in, and presented him with three gifts: myrrh, gold, and incense. (I don't even know what incense is.) These three men read and heard of God's word that this great, bright star would lead them to the King of Jews and the King of Heaven.

It's no wonder I connect this poem to religion and such; I grew up off this kingdom and star talk!

Each time I read this poem, the only thing that never alters is this feeling of hopelessness. I can't seem to make a connection between hopelessness and religion, not unless I think about the idea of sinfulness and Satan. Could that be what the poem is talking about? Sinning? If so, I assume that these Hollow Men and Stuffed Men could be those that are holy, and those that are sinners. I'm not too sure, though, because in the first stanza, it seems as though they are in some kind of predicament, together. I can't find a separation between the two groups of men that lean together, whisper together. If they support eachother, I guess they can't really oppose eachother, being sinners and men of holiness. Scratch that theory then, I guess. I should probably head to bed now before my brain decides to pain my bedroom walls.

I'm still wondering, what is death's other Kingdom, if my assumption stands that death's dream kingdom is Heaven? 

The Shadow (of the poem's meaning)

I feel that I am so close, yet so far. Here is my (pitiful) interpretation of each section. Good effort?

Section 1:
The speaker introduces two groups: The Stuffed Men and the Hollow men. These two groups lead lives of meaninglessness and hopelessness. They lean together, support each other, because they are frightened.

Section 2:
The Hollow Men are too ashamed to face and take responsibility for their mistakes. what they’ve done and stand behind their actions.

Section 3:
The speaker explains that where they are is void of life; hence the mention of cactus, a plant that grows in the lifeless of lands. These men cannot form prayer.

Section 4:
The hollow men are stuck in limbo (emptiness, where they do not want to beg God for redemption, but do not want to go to hell). They can only hope for God's forgiveness as the apocalypse approaches.

Section 5:
The hollow men still cannot complete their prayers.

Eliot suggests that the world will end pitifully. There will not be a great climactic ending. The world will end and that would be that, the final whimper.




In class we've learned that Eliot is a disillusioned man. He lost hope in humanity when he realizes that man's faith in God has faltered greatly (1925 - during WWI).

I still don't know what the Shadow is.